A Quest for balance

My name is Marie-Michel Tassé, and I live in a small town named Sainte-Agathe-des-Monts, in the province of Québec, in the eastern part of Canada. I have lived most of my life in the United States and after 25 years away from Canada, I am coming back to discover my roots. My immediate and extended family is here in Canada and I am slowly reconnecting to my french canadian culture. I am divorced from the father of my children and I live with my two daughters, Malaya Opal (13) and Jumielle Dharmika (10.)

It would be hard to resume all the learning that has taken place since Covid appeared and changed the way we knew life in our ordinary day to day activities. There are so many little sub-stories and challenges that arose around this time for me. Like most of us, I experienced discomfort in this sudden and major change in schedule and life activities. With no other choice, I had to increase my work from home and be on the computer for many hours at a time. I felt some uncertainty about making the right decisions to protect my children and my elderly mother. I felt confused in navigating the tensions in relationships with community members who do not believe in covid and don’t respect sanitary rules. I felt insecure about what the future holds for us as a humanity. There was much worry and stress in the background, yet I was so thankful to find myself simplifying my life with my children -so many moments were precious and beautiful.

These were some of the challenges I faced, however, I will focus on sharing where I have now landed in February, 2021, almost one year since the beginning of the pandemic. My landing point is a place of great respect and honor for this human system, the system that is my vehicle for experiencing the great light. I have pushed this body to extreme measures through sports, work and lifestyle choices since a very young age. Due to covid, my network of support decreased and I found myself having to do much more on my own. Having already taxed my system in the past, this new change didn’t go unnoticed. In March, when Covid made its way strongly in Quebec, I started homeschooling my two children, grade 3 and 6, (now 4th and 7th.) Homeschooling two children is not a small task, it requires much preparation, patience, and perseverance. For financial reasons, I continued a part time job which required me to be on zoom calls late into the evening and early in the mornings. Juggling home school duties, managing a home on my own, caring for my elderly mother and attending to my administrative job, soon proved to be too much for my system. In my conditioned nature, I pushed through each day thinking that I could rest tomorrow. However, that rest day I was promising myself never came, and my body decided to take action -it shut down. Literally. In the depth of this darkness with a major health failure I wondered, what is the meaning of all this? Obviously, my body was screaming: “slow down, listen and simplify life.” The truth is I was too proud and too busy to listen. I did not have access to “right knowledge.”

I have often heard the guidance from Acārya’s Ayurvedic lessons advising women to rest during moon cycle time. This came through to me as advice for “other” women because I never saw how I could possibly honor this commitment; I didn’t feel I had the “in-built” support in my network. “I am a single mom, I work, I have duties, I have to continue one foot in front of the other.” I often found my mind repeating this discourse. In retrospect, this was all delusion and attachment that prevented me from understanding the importance of this healthy advice. With years of not listening to the cues, to the advice of slowing down, to making the right choices (taking less on my shoulders,) my health finally spoke more loudly and forced me to literally stay in bed and rest. There was no other choice, I could not continue functioning, my health had failed. My mind however was thinking: “I have kids to feed, tasks to do, work to complete….” At this point, I needed to get creative in order to fulfill my duties yet also honor my body that needed proper rest. I wrote to the parents of my children’s friends and asked for support. I cut back on my daily work and minimized and simplified our lifestyle. Asking for help was humbling and cutting down on opportunities and daily activities was not the easiest for me. The veil, the conditioning, prevented me from seeing that taking on more duties or more work was not a ‘noble’ undertaking, but rather a selfish and detrimental choice. But the māyā covered the truth and I kept pushing, until I could push no longer.

The time of covid pushed me to my ultimate breaking point. I damaged the vehicle that has the potential to lead me towards silence, realization and liberation. I am on a healing journey now, I am moving forward with more consciousness, awareness, respect and a clear sense of my limits and what is right and wrong action. Of course this is a journey and I am still learning. I have much effort to do in applying the proper yogic lifestyle recommendations. I have my samskāras that are deep rooted and lead me to the choices I make. With intention and right knowledge I keep faith that I will change the course and move towards the right destination.

On p.43 of Acārya’s book, he says: “Our body is a gateway to a wonderful world within. Our body is divine. All the organs in this complicated and elaborate system are divine. All of its parts, each playing an important role in providing us with proper health, are divine. Even the smallest hair plays a role in our health and well-being. Most yogic disciplines focus directly and indirectly on maintaining the perfect health of mind and body so that we can move inward to the divine spheres. Because this mind and body are so very, very precious, we are wise to avoid burdening them excessively. If we torture this system, it will lose its capacity for Realization and Liberation. We need to direct our full energy and attention toward maintaining our mind and body in the absolute best possible condition.”

My daughters will become women one day too. They too will need to know how to treat their own bodies. They too will need to be creative and honor their systems when their moon cycle comes and they are asked to rest, take on less, not work for a day or two and learn to not push themselves too hard. I can educate my daughters about the importance of this human system, the importance of applying yogic principles, and following the yogic ideals, but my impact will be infinitely more powerful if I show them by example, by honoring my own system, by living a balanced and healthy lifestyle that honors and moves towards the great light. The scriptures advise to live simply and easily. Acārya says: “There is a phrase for this sort of way of life: anāyāsena jīvanam, meaning human life without strain. I will strive for this in this lifetime in hopes of becoming a good example for my daughters and also to regain the health necessary for this system to achieve its ultimate goal.

I am grateful for the teachings that guide me, my family and our community towards greater light. My heartfelt salutations to the divine mother and father, to the Great Light, to Acārya and his students, to Sadvidya and Jivana facilitators and to you all for being a part of my journey in this lifetime. My heart swells with joy to be guided and held by this grace.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to the blog posts and shared about themselves and their journey. I feel privileged to be a part of such a group and wish everyone yogic success! I am truly honored to know you and share a common life goal. This is so precious to me.

Here is a link to some photos of the girls and I and our homeschooling journey: https://photos.app.goo.gl/dZG4Rttnk7guBmot7 Since I take most of the images, there aren’t many of me but it will give you an idea of our journey here in Canada since March 2020.

Blessings.